A blond, brunette, redhead, and a monkey?
by lowfat-jellydoughnut
Summary: A bunch of blond jokes altered to fit our dysfunctional and rather crass heros.
1. Deserted Island

_Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki. If I did, there's no way an almost completely male cast would be so freakin' straight._

**The Deserted Island**

There were four people stranded on an island, a blond, a brunette, a redhead, and a monkey. The brunette looks out, sees the mainland and estimates it to be about 15 miles away. He tries to swim across and get help, but after going 10 miles, exhausts himself, and drowns. The redhead, deciding he can't go one more minute without a cigarette, tries to swim after him. He doesn't pace himself and only makes it 5 miles out before becoming exhausted and drowning. The blond, thinking that both had made it to the mainland and not wanting to be rescued by the redhead's bitch-ass, starts to swim after them. He makes it past the 5 miles, past 10 miles, and makes it 14 miles before deciding he's too tired to continue, turns around, and swims back to the island.

The monkey ate him.

* * *

_Ever notice how jokes always start in the imperfect tense and move on to the present progressive tense? Who decided that?!_


	2. Genie

2nd joke! If any of you dear readers have you own favorite blond joke, send it to me and I'll make a parody out of it!

**Genie**

A blond, a brunette, a redhead, and monkey had been traveling west for some time. One day while searching for food, the monkey came across a magic lamp. A genie popped out of it and said it would grant the group three wishes. The brunette quickly asked to be transported directly to India, thus ending the long, arduous journey. The redhead, thinking it a very clever thing to wish for, demanded the same. The blond, also about to wish to be transported to India, looked down at the monkey who sat whimpering at his feet. What wish would be left for him? Sighing, he wished for both, 'annoying bastards' to be returned to him.

Having wasted all three wishes, the group continued on.

I think we all know that, given a second chance, Hakkai would wish for a cup of tea, Gojyo a pack of cigarettes (or beer...), and Sanzo would wish for silence. Goku doesn't get a wish (poor monkey!), but he'd wish for a meat bun, anyway.


	3. Hiding on a Farm

_More random goodness!_

**Hiding on the Farm**

A blond, a brunette, a redhead, and a monkey where all runing away from sutra-stealing youkai one day, and, being rather tired, decided that hiding would be their best bet. The brunette wiggled into a chicken coop and when the youkai came close went, "cluck cluck!" and so they passed on. The redhead jumped through the barn window and hid with the horses. When the youkai opened the barn door he went, "Nay! Nay!" and so avoided detection. The blond, unable to find anyplace better, climbed up an apple tree. Hearing footsteps coming from below he went, "Aaaaaple! Aaaaaaple!" Unfortunately, it was not the youkai under the tree, for they had given up and gone back home, but the monkey who, after hearing the blond, cried, "I **LOVE** apples!" and ate him.

Goku needs to stop eating Sanzo...


	4. The Mirror of Truth

_I'm not sure how many of these I'm going to do. I think just five...I'm running out of blond jokes. --;_

**The Mirror of Truth**

A blond, a brunette, a redhead, and monkey find themselves standing before the mirror of truth, which sucks up and kills anyone who lies before it. First the brunette looks into and says, "I'm not gay." and is immediately sucked up. The redhead, distraught over the loss of his..err...roommate, stares into and says, "If you give him back, I'll quit smoking!" and is also sucked in and killed. The blond looks deeply into the mirror, smokes a cigarette, pokes it, declares, "I think..." and before he can say anything else, is sucked into the mirror with the others. The monkey spends some time trying to pull the others out, but gives up and says, "I'm hungry!" before walking away, completely unscathed.

* * *

People will write good reviews! _-is sucked up and dies-_


	5. Heaven

_Here it is, guys. The last one.. It's a long one, though! I snuck a couple other jokes in there as well. Ain't I a stinker!_

**Heaven**

One day, a blond, a brunette, a redhead, and a monkey were all driving in a jeep when it crashed. After some bickering, they all arrive at heaven's gates. Kami-sama says to them "Well, you guys made it this far, but unfortunately, I can't just let you into my toy-house..er..I mean heaven...because you're all sinners. However, you may stay in 'heaven' if you can clim this stair case of 100 steps. Keep in mind that you will be told a joke on each step, and if you laugh you'll be sent straight to hell.

So the redhead began climbing until he reached the 3rd step, "A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years," a mysterious voice begins, "He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, 'Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.' To which the wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too.' " the redhead couldn't take it, burst out into laughter, and was sent straight to hell.

Then it was the brunette's turn, he did much better, and made it all the way up to the 79th floor before the jokester asked, "Chu, Bu, and Fu moved to America from China. When they got there, they decided to 'Americanize' their names. So, Chu called himself 'Chuck,' Bu called himself 'Buck,' and Fu decided to go back to China." hearing this, a small chuckle escaped his lips, and he was promptly escorted to hell.

Then it was the blond's turn. He made it all the up to the 100th step mumbling and complaining the whole way. Kami-Sama, himself, came to greet him and deliver the last joke, "Have you ever heard of the movie, 'Constipated'?"

"...no."

"That's because it never CAME OUT!!"

The blond just stared at Kami-Sama blankly before launching himself into explosive laughter, "What?!" cried Kami-Sama, "That joke wasn't even funny. Why are you laughing?" The blond regained control of himself, examined his surroundings, and said, "I'd rather go to hell than stay here with you." before going there.

Lastly, the monkey began his ascent. He made it all the way to the 100th step as well, and before the joke was even told, began laughing. And just before he was sent to hell, a very confused Kami-Sama asked, "Why are you laughing, now?" the monkey, shaking with mirth, replied, "Because I just got the first joke!"

_Goku didn't eat anything? Hmm..._


End file.
